Does My Bum Look Big In This? - Aussie Daddy Bloggers Kris Kringle Event 2012

I'm part of a great group of Aussie Dad Bloggers partaking in the Innaugral Kris Kringle Event.

A group of Dads asked Mums "What is the most important questions you'd like to hear answered by a bunch of blokes?".  As per your average Kris Kringle gathering, the presents/questions were handed out in random for us Dads to answer.  And also as per your average Kris Kringle we swapped our gifts that we didn't like.  HAHA!

I was happy to take on this taboo topic.  So, as the second last poster in this Innaugral Kris Kringle Event, I give you...

On the the 10th day of Kringle Aussie Mothers gave to me..

Does my bum look big in this? A Dad's guide to answering life's tricky questions

I can never understand why my wife asks me questions like "Do I look good in this?" or "Does this make me look fat?".

She could be wearing a dress made of Venetian blinds and a necklace of leftover Christmas Turkey and I will still say that she looks great.



I wonder what Kate said when Pippa asked her that question..

Every guy that has spent long enough in their relationship will always say their partner looks great for whatever they wear.  The main reasons for this are:

1. Any answer other than "You look great in anything", or similar to that, sets any guy up for ammunition in an argument (future or immediate).
2. It doesn't matter what any guy says because she will change her mind anyway.
3. He is hungry and simply wants to get out and fill his face at that local place that you like.

Don't be annoyed though gals if your man friend isn't the most helpful sod.  He is only trying to make life easier for the both of you :-)

Most guys actually have the exact same question.  We just rarely ask it or we just simply figure it out for ourselves.

So skip asking your partners because they'll answer without even looking at you! (Comment if your partner has done that. I expect hundreds of comments hehehe)
 

Best Responses to "Does My Bum Look Big In This?"

Years of dates/occasions has taught me well. I'm pretty sure I have the correct answer for every question possible.

So guys, here are the best responses to "Does my bum look big in this?" that I can come up with:

• Honey, you look great in anything!
• You still look as gorgeous as the day we first met.
• Well, there's really no point going out now. Let's stay at home for our own party!
• I think I can see a parking ticket on you, 'cos you be fiine!
• You put the purrr in perfect.
• Babe, if beauty were time you'd be eternity.
• You must be Jamacain because you're Jamacain me crazy!

Heehehehe.. made myself laugh there.

And.. just for fun.

Worst Responses to "Does My Bum Look Big In This?"

Lads, don't even try to give these responses to your partner.  Yes, they're as funny as a fart in an elevator, but just keep in mind the number of operas you'd have to see to make up for your behaviour!

Here are the worst responses to "Does my bum look big in this?" that I can come up with:

• It might look better on your sister.
• If you were a booger, I'd pick you first!
• I like bug butts and I cannot lie. Y'all other brothers can't deny.
• Girl, if I were a fly I'd be all over you, because you are the shit!
• It doesn't matter what you wear because that hottie Amber will be there tonight.
• I think the size of your hands are a good enough distraction from your arse.
• Yes it does.

Good advice there to definitely not use any of those.

Remember, sometimes jokes can go too far..

It definitely is a cracking line, but don't use it if your partner is crazy

But you want some real advice girls.  It takes a nerd like myself to tell you there is an app that will solve all your problems.  And it's an Australian app!

My Social Stylist is an iPhone app that you share pictures of yourself with friends wearing the clothes you aren't certain of wearing.  Friends can vote yes or no whether they like the outfit, with a lot more features as well!

You're welcome.

Guys, show this to your wives.  You owe me so very many beers.

- tork

PS. big thanks to the Aussie Dad Bloggers group. Been great connecting with you lads.

Eat the Cake!

At a certain point in your life you realise that you get older (you may have read about this).

There's the old people that love life, holidaying around the country, pointing at cathedrals and large flying birds whilst going "Oooh!".  There's also the old people that are unhappy, swearing at parents with loud children or yelling at clouds.

That’s not the way you should age. You should be as alive as you can until you’re totally dead.

This is of course dangerous.  You should take advice from others when doing things and not be gung-ho about it. You have to be sensible. You don’t want your last words to be “Hey is this off?” or “Hey everybody, watch this!”.

You change, your body changes.  Things become a tender box down there. It definitely won’t be the world’s best thing to be found charred & handcuffed to your other half at the age of 83. I don’t want to use the word lube, but I think I just did.

The world is confusing, there’s no doubt about it. You've got to be on good terms with pleasure and make the beast inside you happy.

Beast? What beast?  If you don't know about it, you ignore it at your own peril!

The beast inside you only has one request from you…

MORE!! MORE YUMMY STUFF, less bad stuff, MORE YUMMY YUMMY!!

This is what we deal with every day of our lives.  The constant fighting of the boo-hoo with the yummy yummy, the bad and the good.

You just got to know what the good stuff is and what the bad stuff is.

The good stuff is everything that you're not allowed to do.  Like cake.

Cake is great.  Eat cake.

Seriously, whoever invented cake was a god damn f*cking genius.

Why ignore Cake!  Especially around Christmas, birthdays etc..  Cake makes you happy.  Do more stuff that you reckon is the good stuff!

The bad stuff is things like, you know.. erghh.. F*CKING MORNINGS.. I hate mornings, why dammit, why!

"Rush rush, we're going to be late", stuff that.  What's going to happen if you're late?  You can rock up late wearing a Tutu that smells like fish, the same shit is going to be there..


Whatever you do, remember more yummy yummy.

If anyone ever offers you a cake, you eat that massive slice of spongey, creamy goodness and you are going to love every god dam minute of it!

Ohh my god yes..

- tork

Great Deal Christmas Gift Ideas from Target

Target recently offered me to be one of their Brand Ambassadors.  It took me seconds to say yes. Sometimes you need man advice for shopping too!

Sometimes you also need insight to what a guy is buying you for Xmas ;-)

Here are a bunch of examples of great gifts that you can buy your friends and family this Christmas at Target.  They are all my own choices and suggestions!

ooooh!!  Look at them all!

You're going to have to excuse my crappy photo taking skills..

Christmas Hampers

The staple gift when you have no idea what to buy someone.  I would stick to buying them for folks aged 35 and over only.

Target have lots of varieties of Hampers.  I grabbed a couple of the cheaper ones to combine it with a bottle of goon from the local publican, just to add that extra touch.

Target's Small Christmas Hamper - $16

Watch

Target has a variety of different watches to choose from, but I recommend choosing a men's watch as a present. They're a simple, yet useful present to bang around in for any lad.

Got a boy that always forget's what the time is?  Give him a watch!  No excuses for being home late and more reason to dock his pocket money and use on your Dr Pepper addiction..

Men's Gift Watch - $20

Nail Polish

Chicks like Nail Polish don't they?  I don't get it, but I found a set of 6 different colours, Nail Polish Remover and Nail Polish clear-make-look-shiny stuff.

I know this one girl who's always got a different nail colour going on, I'm sure she'll like this.  If you know someone the same, then Nail Polish might be a good idea as well!

Chi Chi Vive La French Manicure Set - $19.95

Hot Sauce

Ok, who has a Husband or a Dad that likes their meat with hot sauce?  I know I do..

..don't be dirty and take that the wrong way people!  I'm talking about cliché sauces that any guy (or gal for that matter) would be happy to add to their steak or burger to spice up their life!

These sauces I picked up are so corny.  "Ass Kickin' Roasted Garlic Hot Sauce". Mmmm interesting!

"Hot Sauce from Hell".   Mmmm devilish..

"Ass Kickin' Cajun Hot Sauce".  Hee hee hee, there is a Donkey kicking on it.  ASS-kicking.  Dad jokes and spicy sauce all in one. Cheap too!

Hot Sauce 3-Pack set - $12

Milkshake Maker

This would have to be my favourite of all the presents.  A Milkshake Maker.  I can taste a banana milkshake right now!

Its cooky colours might stand out in the kitchen, but I like it.  Who wouldn't, it makes Milkshakes god dammit! And a cheap buy as well.

Milkshake Maker - $15

Go check out Target this Xmas folks.  Great bargains and a bunch of gifts for family and friends!

- tork

9 Ideas of What To Get Your Husband for Christmas

I'm always getting presents that my wife has the right intentions for, but I'm really not after. What does a husband actually want for Xmas? What should you buy them? Well, being a husband, I'll give you some hot tips.

1. Out Cards

These are things I wish I had. They work similar to soccer, when a player is shown a red card that person must immediately stop playing and leave the field. I'd love to have a card I could whip out that gives me an "out". An immediate end to an argument when the out card is shown, or a non-requirement of having to go to that thing she likes. What a great idea! Your husband will love you. It's the ultimate gift for your husband. You can give one out card or many. Totally up to you. These things don't actually exist, so mock one up on a nice bit of red cardboard. That's the way, you know you want to.

2. Event Tickets

Buy 2 tickets for him and his best mate to a game of his favourite sporting team. Local games would be the cheapest. Not a sporting fan? Maybe he'll like tickets to the next biggest band that is coming to town. Check through his music collection to confirm he's actually into the touring band you're buying tickets to. (If you buy him tickets to Aqua, I will not be liable to your stupidity)

3. Entertainment Book

These entertainment books exist to purchase from various locations. I understand they would differ in other countries or locations, but they should still exist in some format. They are a book full of vouchers for various different things, from Restaurants to Sporting Venues to Hotel stays. Every husband is a cheap ass and a book full of vouchers for all his favourite things is a great idea.

4. Socks and Jocks

The staple diet for Christmas presents is underwear and socks. Even though every guy goes, 'ergh, socks and jocks' they will be thankful when piling through the underwear draw in their time of need. I know I've sat there on many occasions swearing at my holy socks, only to find an unopened pack waiting to be loved. The wife is often thanked for coming to the rescue.

5. Lawn Fertiliser

What man doesn't love his lawn? To stare endlessly at his beautiful section of planet that he owns and has grown himself gives fuel towards his testosterone and makes him the man he is today. Giving fuel for said lawn will keep him happy until the sun goes down (because it's dark and he can't see his lawn no more). Ok, maybe it's just me that is a lawn fan, but it's something I need right now to keep my grass green in the Aussie heat, so I'm sure there's other husbands out there worried just like me!

6. Watch

Watches are a great idea for the guys.  Not only does it bring some sophistication to your husband man, but it also helps remind him how long he's been down the pub.  An important accessory to hold for any man to come home on time to that lovely wife of his (good save Tork..).

7. Imported Beer

Nothing is cooler for a guy than to babble onto his mates about how good his fancy beer is, especially if it's imported from overseas.  German beers are highly regarded worldwide.  Get something real fancy.  If you can pronounce the beer easily, perhaps not fancy enough.  Speak to your local alcohol vendor about their best imports and your husband will love you for it.

8. Chocolates, Nuts, Chocolate Covered Nuts

Choccies have long been thought as the favourite for the ladies.  This is quickly becoming a mis-conception.  I recently bought the father-in-law a bag of chocolate covered nuts and he said "Two great things combined! Thanks!". I couldn't agree more.  This gift is especially good because it can be given to husbands of any age.

Plus, any leftovers can be an opportune time for a wife to step in and hoover some down.  The gift that keeps on giving.

9. Breast Implants

Just kiddin' :-)



What gift ideas do you have for your husband?  What love to hear your ideas!

- tork

Elmo is Gone!

Big news in the children television world.

Elmo is gone.

Kevin Clash, the voice of Elmo, has announced his resignation as the voice of Elmo on Sesame Street.
It is a sad day for kids worldwide.  A voice recognisable on TV to ages young and old will surely sound askew in future programming.

Thanks for Elmo for teaching kids so much over the years, especially how to laugh.

- tork

Introducing Tork's Dad Joke Book. Three to Giveaway!

I am excited to finally announce..

My book is finally finished!!!

I can't believe I've actually done it.  I've always wanted to have my own book and now I do..

Brilliant!

The Very Best Dad Jokes.  By Torkona E.


I'll be donating $1 of every book sold to the Little Heroes Foundation.  Something I've been wanting to do for a very long time, to help children with serious illnesses.  Great work I've witnessed first hand that deserves as much help as they can get.


A big thanks goes out to a few people.

Blurb.  Without the team at Blurb, I wouldn't be where I am today.  Their software greatly helps the Average Joe create their own book.  Although very pricey, definitely grateful for their existance.

Tina Gray, Baldy Chaz, Reservoir Dad, Melissa, Colin . These kind folk took time out of their busy lives to verify and review the book. I thank them for their time, their quotes, their ideas and help for this dad blogger.

Everyone who clicked share or like via my Facebook page, or re-tweeted my tweets and twatted me encouragement. Thanks for the motivation!


Check out the dad joke ebook page today, but don't purchase a copy yet.  Why? Because..

I'm giving away three copies today!!

Enter below for your chance to win yourself a copy of my new book.

a Rafflecopter giveaway


Good luck!  ..and thanks everybody.

- tork

I'm Writing a Book! - Sneak Peek

If you have hit like on my Facebook page, then you'd know about my current project in the works.

I'm writing and illustrating my own Dad Jokes book!!

I am truly excited about it.  Writing my own book is a very high thing to do on my bucket list.  Sure, I always thought that I'd be writing my own novel or sci-fi story, but a joke book counts and I really hope that it's something people will enjoy.

I want to give my boy a Christmas present I made, but the main premise behind it is to give something back to the community.  My focus for a long time is to help a charity that provides support to sick kids and their families.  These charities are close to my heart.  I've seen the great support and love that these sort of folk show, especially for my family when my boy was unwell in hospital. I've always wanted to give something back and writing a book with money donated to charity has always been in the back of my mind.

When I was contacted by the people at Blurb to write a book, I knew that it was the push that I need to get the ball rolling properly.  Now, after months of work I am so close to finishing it.

I will be giving info of the book through the Facebook page until it is ready to pass onto the general public.  Here is a sneak peek of the back cover!

Why did the banana go to the Doctor?

Because he wasn't peeling very well!

Hilarious.. I crack me up!


I'll be looking for people to review the book once it's completed.  So if you enjoy crap jokes like I do, please drop a comment below if your'e keen on reviewing my book and I will talk to you about it.  Would greatly appreciate it.

Final touches still to be completed.  Will keep you posted.  I hope some people out there are interested in it! If not, at least I've enjoyed myself and will finish something I've always wanted to do.

Yippee!!!  Talk soon guys.

- tork

Christmas with a Toddler - Keeping Away from the Tree

Oh god, I just realised that my little one is going to be a terror this year. Not because he is older or steadily reaching the terrible two's, but because he is getting into absolutely everything.

Drawers...

Boxes..

Cupboards..

Toilets.. (don't ask)

Everything must be investigated and tested just in case it might be ice cream.

I've realised it is going to be impossible having a Christmas tree up this year. With the Christmas pageant now finished, tradition says the tree's gotta go up too.

It's just a plastic one that we've always had. Last year it sat atop a table out of harms way to a crawling child. This year there is no way it wont be left alone.

It will become the greatest play thing this kid has yet to see.

With a child that is cheeky as hell and without the understanding of the word 'No', it is going to be tasted and pulled faster than you can say "don't touch that or it's reindeer for dinner!".

I asked the wife "What are we doing with the Christmas tree this year? How are we going to keep the young fella away from it?"

She said leave it in the box.  Smart thinking that wife of mine...

Any suggestions? How are you keeping a toddler out of the tree this year?

- tork

Melbourne Cup Winning Formula System - How To Not Lose Your Bet

If you're like me and sick of losing your Melbourne Cup bets each and every year, you want to find that bet to win you big on the biggest horse race that stops a nation. I've got the winning formula system so that you will not lose this year!

Here's what you do.

1. Take $50. Yep, lets go hard here people, you can do it! Put the $50 to the side for now on the table infront of you for incentive for the big prize.


2. Take out the betting slip with your favourite pen or pencil handy. You'll have to nominate on it that you are betting for the Melbourne Cup at Flemington.


3. There's usually 24 horses (pending any scratchings), so 24 is our number of horses to choose from at the maximum. We're going to pick 4 horses in this step as a First4 bet. This can with you hundreds of thousands if an outsider gets in. Here we go!


First: the day you were born. If it's the 25th or more, add the two numbers together and that's your horse.


Second: Add up all the jewellery items you are wearing right now. Include watches and glasses on this one. If it's the same number as the first, simply add one.  If it's zero, put something pretty on.. for god's sake! hehehe


Third: Take all the numbers in your license plate and add them together until your number is 24 or lower. If the number you get is the same as any of your first two, keep minusing by one until you get a new number. If you reach number 1 and it's still not unique, got to 24 and keep minusing one. I got you covered!


Fourth: Hold your breath. Something you'll be doing just before the start of the race. Time how long in seconds you can hold your breath for. Take the seconds as the number of the fourth horse. For 25 or higher, add the two numbers together for the horse number. Keep adding 1 to the number until you get one that isn't the first three. If you reach 24, go to 1 and keep adding until you get a new number.  Phew!


4. By now you have the first four horses that will make it past the post. Aren't you clever!  You can box them to increase your chances of winning.


5. Fill out your betting slip for all your horses you have chosen.


6. Here is the special part.  Hold the ticket firmly using both hands using only your index finger and thumb, as if you were pinching the ticket.  This is known as the "Tork Good Luck Special Pinch".  Works every time.

7. Hold the
 ticket above your head, still with a firm pinch.  Take one hand and pull it down quick ripping the betting slip in half, making it useless!


8. Oh no! Now you have a ripped up ticket!  But look down on the table and see a $50 note sitting there. 

Congratulations, you have just found the Melbourne Cup system that will never lose your bet!!

Works every time..

Good luck!

- tork

Dude Food - Sardine & Broccoli Pasta with Chilli

Last night, the wife told me I'm going out for tea tonight for a girls night!

Music to my ears because I get to make dude food! Food for dudes, aka me!

Something that I'd eat but my wife turns her nose up at.  This is a Jamie Oliver recipe that I just added bacon to.  FYI - adding bacon to anything makes any dish fall into the dude food category.

Sardine & Broccoli Pasta with Chilli

Ingredients
3-4 Sardines (or anchovies)
Pasta of your choise
Colby cheese
100g bacon pieces
Broccoli
Lime
1 Chilli

1. Boil water in a large pot and add pasta and broccoli pieces once boiled.  Season with salt but don't throw away the broccoli stalk, we'll use that later.

2. Fry bacon pieces in frying pan with oil whilst you are chopping into fine pieces the chilli and sardines.  You can use a food processor, but it's much more fun cutting the shit out of things.  Finely cut the broccoli stalk as well and add that along with the chill & sardines to the frying bacon.

3. Add lime juice to the frying pan, approx a tablespoon.

4. Once bacon has browned, add a small handful of the Colby cheese to the frying pan.  You can use parmesan or any other cheese you like.

5. Drain pasta & broccoli once they're nice and soft and return to the large pot.

6. Combine the frying pan mixture to the large pot and mix together like crazy.

7. Serve with more colby cheese.

8. Fill your face!

Tips

• I recommend just one large chilli, using the seeds and all.  This is enough heat, but it's up to you.
• 3 Sardines is plenty for just a hint of fish taste, but another is fine for the sardine lovers out there.

Enjoy!

- tork

My Book is in Progress!

Hey guys!

Something that I have been wanting to do for a long time is publish a book.  I've worked on lots of different things in the past.  Sci-fi comedy, Fantasy even sooky soppy romance stories.  They've all started and I have never got back to them.

Now it's for real.  I want it to be for real.

I want it published, even if no one likes it, reads it or buys it.  I just want to say "I am a published writer".

Sure, it might be a cop out and not a full length novel, or even a short story.  Still, it will hopefully be one thing I can cross off my bucket list.

What I need from you guys though is a massive favour.

I need you to PUSH me, to keep me at it. Don't let me slack off!

My motivation is my boy.  I want to make something he can one day read, but my personal time is so limited for me to get cracking.  After this post is finished, I'll be working on illustrations because I've set a deadline.

Middle of November.  I gotta get it done my the middle of Nov.

So if you catch me on Facebook, prod me to work harder!  I need that PUSH!

If you log into Twitter, tweet me to pull out my finger!

The next few weeks are sure going to be fun for me!

So....

Who wants to know what it is going to be about?  Got any ideas what it's about?

Watch this space..

- tork

3 Ways To Be More Financially Fit

A Guest Post from Jake Saunders..

As a parent, it always seems like there is an endless list of things to pay for: groceries, bills, school fees, and kids toys all add up and before you know it, you can end up in a bit of a financial pickle. However, there are ways to juggle your finances and keep everyone in the family happy.

You don't need to learn the ins and outs of dividend yields, investment banking, and stock broking to be more financially fit- all it takes is a bit of planning and you too can be (almost) as money savvy as Warren Buffet  Take a look at these three ways to manage your money in a family-friendly way and before you know it, you'll be able to save up for that new car or boat that you've always wanted.

Grab a bargain

Bargains are everywhere - you just need to know where to look. If you're planning a family meal over the weekend, don't spend copious amounts of money to keep everybody's tummy happy. Instead, plan a restaurant that works for your budget. Many restaurants offer "kids eat for free" deals or package deals on certain days, and if you visit during lunch then meals are often cheaper. For fun activities over the weekend, choose a free venue like the park or the art gallery (many of these offer events for kids over the weekend as well), or take advantage of websites like Groupon to pick up a deal for your family. Don't forget to check your local council's listing for events - many states have festivals running monthly, such as Sydney's Aroma Festival or Canberra's Floriade Nightfest.

Make home loans work for you

One of the biggest money-drainers is your home. Regardless of whether you're renting or buying, living costs eat a significant chunk from your income every week. However, there are opportunities to be smart with your money when it comes to property as well. If you are looking to buy your first home, remember that Australia has the First Home Owner's Grant, where the government will give you a grant to help offset the effect of GST on home ownership. The amount given depends on which state, so make sure to do your research for the state where you want to buy property. When it comes to your actual mortgage, choose a home loan with mixed floating and fixed repayments - this way, you can take advantage of low-interest periods but you still have the security of a fixed rate as well.

Find alternative avenues of income

While a full-time job definitely pays the bills, it's always nice to have a little extra cash to spend on your family or to save for the next trip overseas. Alternative avenues of income are a great way to earn some more money so you can have some stashed away for a rainy day. If you have a particular skill set, then try freelancing or finding some private clients. You can also keep your eye out for any odd jobs on Seek or Gumtree - many of these pay well and only require a short term commitment, which is perfect for anyone with a family.


Jake Saunders is a writer who is currently saving for a new car. To help his savings grow, he's taken up a casual job as a fruitpicker - it helps save money on the grocery bills as well! In partnership with Clime

He's Not Heavy, He's my Son

Man... time sure does fly a wee bit.

My kid is closing in on the toddler age.  Freaky shit.  He's tall, he's talking, he's heavy!

Sure, he ain't the biggest kid his age, but sticking him atop of my shoulders sure as hell weighs me down!

I can't remember when my old man used to put me on his shoulders, I'm sure there were times he did.  I remember photos..  but I always have noticed other dads putting their kid on their shoulders.  I've always been, "yep, definitely looking forward to doing that one day".

Now that I can, shit... I don't know how people do it!  I haven't had the boy on my shoulders for at least 5-6 hours now, but my shoulders and neck are friggin' killing me.  It's a tough gig!  Maybe it gets easier the older they get and the less wiggle that is enforced due to the absolute excitement that is gained from sitting upon dad's shoulders.

The tallest view that anyone can ever get!

They do say that you can never get higher than sitting on dad's shoulders.

Well.. no one that spent an evening with Bob Marley could probably say that, but you know what I mean.

I do like the fact though that his mum is the place to go for the best hugs, but she doesn't get the shrills of joy that sitting on top of dad's noggin gives, where heights will never be reached again once the little fella discovers what Macca's means.

..give it a few more months and he'll be fatter *sighs*

Think I might need to do some old school wrestler training as per the great Batista.

Cos I ain't letting anything stop me have that boy upon my shoulders, even if he is a fatty :-)

- tork

fyi - maybe Batista shoulder muscles could be taking it too far. Boob Neck Tork is not a nickname I would look forward too hehehe!

Marriage, Motherhood and College - How a Mum Juggled All Three and Made it Out On Top

A guest post from Patricia Garza..


These days, there's no denying just how busy we've all become. We've got places to go, people to see and seemingly not enough time to stay on top of all of it. My own personal world seems to be a whirlwind of meetings, soccer practice, anniversaries and everything else that comes with living a full life, which is why I half thought I was crazy and out of my mind when I started toying with the idea of going back to school to get another degree a few years back. But something in me just said to go for it.

An idea I had had in my mind for quite some time, going back for an environmental science degree kind of got put on the back burner with the birth of my children. I wanted to be able to give them my undivided attention as a mother during their most formative years and knew that I couldn't put that stress on my husband and me, so I let it lie. My husband and I discussed it at length. His main concern was that he didn't want me to feel unfulfilled and possibly even resentful by not going through with it. After much thought and many conversations (and LOTS of reassurance for him), I told him I'd wait 5 years or so and then revisit the notion. By then our youngest would be kindergarten bound and I would hopefully have this whole "motherhood" thing down—haha, little did I realize just how ongoing THAT process is, but that's a whole other story.

Anyway, the five-year mark came and sure enough, the itch was still there. So my husband and I reassessed every aspect of our lives—personal, financial, professional—to see how this would fit into the big picture. Aside from the fact that it might be a hectic of a schedule it seemed definitely doable, so I went for it. And, I can honestly say, the things listed below made it a much easier endeavour  So, if you're finding yourself in a similar situation to mine, read on, you never know what you might learn!

Searched for Scholarships

First and foremost before starting anything I searched for scholarships relevant to my situation. I remember from my days as an undergrad that they really have financial aid and support for people from all sorts of backgrounds and walks of life.

There's assistance specific to part-time students with full-time jobs, scholarships for the kid that's an avid volunteer in his community, even returning students had their own niche. And, luckily for me, I even found a couple for mothers.

So, while I wasn't qualified for all of them, I did my homework to find some that did. They might not have all given a fortune, but every little bit helps—especially when you are trying to raise a family at the same time. I will never turn down partially or completely free education.

 

Made a Schedule and Stuck to It

Once I took the plunge and enrolled, I knew I needed to be smart about how I spent my time. I didn't have the luxury I did years ago to procrastinate my days away and put off assignments. I had children I needed to raise, a husband I needed to see when I could and a multitude of other things that come with grown up responsibility. Sure, things would come up and I had to make changes and be flexible, but you making up my school work was always first priority to ensure I stayed on track and didn't have to resort to missing out on that all-too-important family time we never seem to get enough of.

 

I Relied on My Support System

As you can guess, it got sort of stressful trying to keep up with everything. To keep myself sane and focused on the task at hand I learned to rely heavily on my support system. I listened when my mother offered to watch the children so my husband and I could have a night alone. I vented to my husband about my assignments and how stupid of a decision I thought I had made, and he was always there to reassure me it would get better.

So, if you're considering going back to school, be warned that you will struggle. You will get overwhelmed. It's important that you first accept this, and then put aside your pride and realize it's OK to be weak and rely on those around you. After all, that's what loved ones are for, right? So grab a ladder and get over it, they just want to help.

These are my main suggestions for surviving an endeavour such as this. However, one final thought? Try to remember that things could always be worse. For instance, during my studies, I met students who had way more things on their plate—some were single mothers who had to work on top of everything. Being a freelancer with an employed husband, I had greater control and flexibility in my schedule which I am eternally grateful for. But, their situations were inspiring. Because, if they could do it, so could I. I had ZERO excuses compared to them.

Finally, just remember that this is something you WANT and with all things we desire we should fight for them. So push yourself and make it happen—I promise you'll survive it and you won't regret it one bit.

Patricia Garza is freelance writer and blogger for many sites, including Oedb.org. She contributes research and expertise on online college accreditation to Oedb.org, and she is passionate about helping students discover the right educational program for them. She also writes about trends in education and personal finance. Please leave comments for Patricia below.

The Importance of an Encouraging Father

A guest post from Joseph Kelly..

It's no secret that we live in a culture where fatherhood has become downplayed, laughed
at, and even looked down upon. TV is filled with definitive examples of "dead-beat" or "bone
headed" fathers who really aren't leading their family anywhere. But truthfully, a father's
role must go beyond these exceedingly low standards if they're going to raise children who
emotionally and mentally strong and healthy.

Now, up front, none of this is to undermine the involvement of a mother. But for this brief
thought, we're going to focus on the father.

There's an amazing sweetness that rests on a child who is secure in their father. You've most
likely seen it. It's that happy child who can be corrected, encouraged and redirected with little to
no resistance. This can be created by a solid and consistent father who sets clear boundaries for
his little ones.

A father's heart can be like a giant playground for these little ones to run around in. They know
their borders and limitations; the places they're not supposed to go and the lines that they should
not cross. But within those borders, these kids can run free and grow, learn, mess up and get
back up to try again. This stability is crucial for the personal growth of a child.

How many times have you talked through a struggle that a friend was having and it occurred
to you that they may have "daddy issues?" We laugh about it, but we also know that it's a real
thing. There's a deep security that can be imparted by a father who truly believes in his children.

Go to a playground and watch the kids run around. Look for fathers sitting on the outside being
attentive. Eventually, one of the wee ones is going to take a spill. The vast majority of the time
their first response will be to look into daddy's eyes.

They're asking him a question with that tear-filled glance. "Am I okay?"

Answering this question is the number one role of a father in a child's personal development.
A dad makes and breaks his little ones with the way he responds. They're reading his eyes, his
face. The dad who says, "It's alright, get back up. Try again," sends his child on a path toward
confidence and innovation. But the child who fears spilling a drink and saving face will lead a life
of survival and trying to get by, saving face.

Every dad can probably see a bit of both in themselves. There's no need to panic. We all head in
both directions here and there. The important thing is to look at each interaction with your little
ones anew. Look for chances to strengthen them, encourage, and build them up.

Don't waste time kicking yourself, or teaching them to kick themselves for things that they
didn't know how to do in the first place. A father can instill in a little one the reality that "life is
learning" and send them on a path to greatness.


About the Author: Joseph Kelly has over 7 years experience writing and publishing articles about
childcare education and parenting. He has 2 children aged 5 and 7. He writes on a regular basis for a Dublin based childcare provider.

I Don't Udderstand

A doodle!

Drew this today, I don't udderstand why..   :-)

Give me your best interpretations!  Tell me what you think!

..and before you say it, yes I am a little weird hehehe

- tork

Port's John McCarthy Dies so Young

Without stating the obvious, it's sad when a person dies so young and so tragically.

It doesn't matter how the player's death happened, it's a very sad day to lose a friend, a child or a loved one.


It's had me worrying about my own son when he grows older.

I worry about losing control over what he does when he's older.
I worry about him putting himself in danger.
I just...worry

And he isn't even two yet!

I think back at some of the stupid, stupid things I did growing up.  Driving without headlights on at night.  Pulling snakies & doughnuts, laying on dark empty roads.

Some really, really stupid things to name a few.

I thought I was invincible..

..and I was.

Those days were really great days.  Carefree and stupid.

I hope the worry won't send me crazy when he's older.

I just hope we raise a wee lad that is smart enough to not do anything too stupid like I did, but still has a carefree childhood like his old man.


I feel for John's family, friends, all those at the Port Adelaide AFL club. I wish them all the best.

I hope my Crow footy boys wear a black arm band on the weekend as a mark of respect in a sad week.

RIP.


- tork

Advice for Dads with Kids Struggling in School

A guest post from Nadia Jones...

Most kids struggle in school at one point in their lives as students; it’s a part of the education experience. Students struggle, they might fall occasionally, but then they get back up and figure things out—that’s the beauty of learning things in a controlled educational environment. Heck, I know I had a rough period myself around the time that I was first taught geometry in high school. But that hard class also taught me the value of earnest studying.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that you shouldn't be totally alarmed when they find out that your child is struggling in some part of their schooling. A single low grade on a test means that there’s room for improvement, not cause for a school-wide intervention. A serious of low grades in the same class, however, might be a more serious problem that could use your attention. I want to talk about these more serious school related problems today, and how you as dad can help your kid overcome them.

Be their rock, be their positive support

The first thing you should do when you learn your kid is really struggling in school is to show that you’re there for them. Voicing your support and showing your love for your little one(s) is your topmost priority as a parent—they won’t get nearly the same support in the classroom that they’ll get from you. They’re looking to you for support and guidance. So when your child arrives home from school only to show you a low test score or some sort of misconduct note, don’t fly off the handle at them. Tell them that you’re there for them and remain positive about the situation.

Help identify and solve the problem

Once you’ve established that you’re there to support your kid, ask them (calmly) exactly what happened that led to their struggle, whether it’s the low grade or the bad conduct in class. Help your child understand where they went wrong without making the process sound like an inquisition. Maybe they didn't study for the test like they should have, maybe they haven’t been doing their homework, or maybe the teacher is giving them an unrealistic amount of homework each day. Whatever the case may be, you’d have a better chance finding out if you ask your kid about it respectfully.

Have a conference with the teacher to check in on things

It never hurts to touch base with the teachers that educate your kid(s) on a daily basis. After all, why else would schools invite parents to open houses? Meeting with your kid’s teacher is one of the easiest ways to get to the bottom of any issues that you might be unaware of. A typical schoolteacher spends hours and hours every day with your child, so if anyone can give you a good reason and a helpful solution for their struggles, it’s them.


Nadia Jones is a freelancer who writes for onlinecollege.org among other sites. When she’s not writing about learning, higher education, or parenting, Nadia loves to try her hand at a host of outdoor activities such as biking, kayaking, and rock climbing. Feel free to leave Nadia some comments!

Future Dad Thoughts

Man, my little boy is too young still.  I know I love this age, albeit the illnesses we currently are going through..

The coughing, the runny nose, the fever.. yeah, that's been fun the past week!

His walking around is so cute. His slowly improving speech is a wonder to watch.

But I just can't wait to do more fun stuff.  Like show him all the movies I grew up with.  Flicks like Labrynth, Never Ending Story, Back to the Future, Orgazmo...

:-)

Classics that I love.

I should stop it and enjoy the now.  I do miss him when I'm at work, although there are signs he exists all around my work area.  Finger painting artworks, photos.

I should enjoy the quietness of him being asleep when he should be and not and at age where back chatting.   exists. But I just can't wait for him to grow up more.


I can wait.  That other stuff will last for years.  His toddler days are fast approaching and I must soak in as much baby times as I can.

How much to you look forward to the future? How much do you soak in the present?  Be cool to hear from some Dads as well..

- tork

Last Minute Father's Day Gift Idea

Searching for an idea for Dad this Father's Day?

Sock and jocks are great, but what about if Dad wants to cut stuff?

The Dremel Saw-Max is a nifty little gadget that I am so thankful to have in my grubby paws.  This thing can cut through bricks god damn it!

Thanks to Dremel I get to review this for you.  The hand held saw is great.  I'm thinking about all the little projects I can create with it.

I'm also looking around the house for things that I can just cut up for fun!  I think I will have to wait though.  I'm planning on building a table once my little boy is older.  A project that we can both do together and use for life.

But the drill looks so easy to use.  Previously I've used bench top saws that are so dangerous and massive.  This one can simply take it's place back in the tool box after use!

It features:

• Powerful 6 amp motor – easily tackles the toughest applications
• Versatile Cutting System – for cutting a variety of materials including wood, plastic, metal, tile and masonry
• Worm Drive™ gearing – for durability and power
• Excellent line of sight for precise, confident cuts
• Depth guide for precise plunge cuts
• Lock-on button for comfort during extended use
• On board dust extraction port to maintain a clean workplace

I just think it looks dead sexy.  Have a look at it in action.

If I was a Dad with a hobby project in mind, I'd love to see this land on my lap for Father's day.  So if it's last minute gift ideas for dad that you need, consider one of these!


Visit Dremel on Facebook or the Dremel Australia website.

- tork

Father's Day Giveaway - Trojan Toolbox and Tools

I'm so pumped for this year's Father's day that I've got another giveaway for you!

And what a brilliant day it is. A great day! Whoever thought up the idea to have a Dad's day is a genius because dads are awesome. Being a dad, I guess I would know :)

But what does dad want for Father's day?  I have always said that I am happiest with a family BBQ, sock and jocks, or anything hand-made.  That's the only things I'd ever care about.

But I know other Dad-like creatures yearn for man presents like tackle, beer, car stuff..

..or even tools!

Trojan Tools have graciously put their hand up to help provide my biggest giveaway yet.

The Trojan Toolbox at the value of $140 will be given away to one lucky father! (or tool lover)
open to Australian Citizens only..

Pretty cooooool...

The guys at Trojan offered me a toolbox as well to review for you.  Schucks, it's no BBQ meat sandwich or macaroni self portrait, but there was no way I could refuse!

The Trojan Toolbox is a thing of beauty.  I'm almost too embarrased to talk about my previous toolbox.

Yep, this is what kept all my importants.  An old shoe box, how very lame and very embarrassing.

Hammer, screwdriver, screws, nails, powerdrill, shoehorn.. Yeah, not sure why there's a shoehorn in there.

But I don't know why I didn't upgrade soon.  The Trojan Toolbox is, to put it simply, freakin' awesome. It is a toolbox that every guy just has to have.  Look at it!

The toolbox comes with Trojan Tools top ten tools including screwdriver, hammer, chisel, a wrench, measuring tape etc all in a sturdy Trojan box.  It is seriously the basic tool kit that any household should have for fix up's or DIY jobs. The tools and the box retail for $140.

It's sturdy, has cool compartments on top of the toolbox to hold all my little bits of crap, as well as nails, screws etc.

My little boy loved it as well. He kept whacking it, making an (apparently) awesome makeshit drum :-)

..as they do of course!

So very happy with this toolbox.  Definitely should have done it a long time ago.

Guess I better give one away now!  Enter below and don't forget to visit their site and like them on Facebook!

One lucky winner will win the Toolbox and all the tools shown in the picture for Father's Day.  Not too shabby!


a Rafflecopter giveaway

Good luck!

- tork

Father's Day Giveaway from LittleHeroHosting.com

Father's Day is coming!  So at Tork's blog, I want to celebrate being a dad, so I have some giveaways coming up over the next few weeks!

But you know the worst thing about being a dad?  It's lonely...

It's lonely online!!  There's not enough dad's online and blogging!

Boohoo :'-(

So I got in touch with my good friend at Little Hero Hosting.  They are offering a wicked giveaway for Father's Day!

This is a big one...

A free .com domain name and free hosting for a whole year!

3Gb of data and 20Gb bandwidth with a fantastic, locally Aussie, domain name & web hosting provider!

Little Hero Hosting are great.  They are the first place to go if you are a blogger looking to have a real domain name and web hosting service.

They're helpful, down to earth and easy to use and they have fantastic web hosting deals.

So, Mum bloggers.. if you ever wanted your partner to be blogging, this is the competition to enter!

You can use a domain for anything, it doesn't just have to be blogging like I do.

You can show off your photos, build an online resume, a business venture or just stories about jams.  Anything you like!

Yes, it's not just for Dads.  It's open for anybody.

So, there's a few ways to enter.  Have a go and who knows, you might be the next best website on the market!


a Rafflecopter giveaway

Dude Food Recipe - Spuds

Dads! Here's a recipe that will make you look like a confectionary wizz!

This is an easy recipe for Spuds, those little rolled balls that look like small, dirty potatoes but taste so sugary sweet!

Ingredients:

1 X 395gram tin condensed milk
300grams icing sugar
250grams desiccated coconut
Cocoa for dusting

1. Mix condensed milk, icing sugar and coconut together. Best done with your hands because guys, it saves time on dishwashing extra cutlery.

2. Roll into spud shaped balls approx three quarters the size of an egg.

3. Lightly dust in cocoa.

4. Chill for 10 mins then serve.

Serves: 10-15 people or one hungry dude.

Tips: Use good cocoa and not the cheap home brand. If your spuds are too sticky, add more coconut.

My Eyes Will Weep, My Heart Will Smile

Dad Poem - from the words of a Father

A cold word is said from a hospital bed,
Your child is ill with disease.
A fear knocks you down, but you stand in feet cement,
Of a life that is supposed to be an ease.

A few years have passed when your child should not be,
The unwell is not a thought in your mind.
But a cough turns to wheeze in life's high air trapeze,
All the years that have passed you can't find.

And when Grim comes to take, a choice you can't shake,
And your eyes run rivers and streams.
When eyes shut like dams, in your heart you can see,
All your child's hopes and dreams.

These dreams will live on, in friend's hearts ever long,
But there is nothing that you can say.
For when a child is lost, not much you can do,
Than promise to remember each day.

Torkona

Top 5 Car Apps for Dads

This is a guest post from FCS Surfing Fins all about must have Car Apps for Fathers.



There are three things almost all fathers love: their family, their car, and their technology. Whether it’s your GPS that you use for driving the kids to a friend’s house, or the Wii you bought so you can beat your kids at Mario Kart, there’s always plenty of ways to incorporate the three together. From GPS to buying the latest cars, technology offers countless apps to help dads with their family life. Here’s a pick of the bunch: these are the top five apps every dad with a car should get.

Sygic Australia & New Zealand: GPS Navigation

A good GPS app is a necessity these days: it’s safer, more efficient and just easier to use than manual maps, and for now the pre-installed navigation apps are not quite up to scratch. I usually swear by finding a free equivalent to paid apps, but with this one it’s really worth the money. At $34.99, Sygic is a bargain compared to the TomTom app, and works as well, if not better. The text-to-speech features makes it safer than ever to drive with, minimising how often you’ll be looking at the phone screen. You’ll never get lost looking for the location of your kid’s footy game.

Edmunds

Whether you’re looking to buy a new car for yourself or the family, or you just enjoy “window shopping”, this app is one of the best around. The app is free and you can browse car prices and search for the nearest dealer that is selling the car you want. It’s smart, intuitive and also a lot of fun to use.

Family Car Games

It’s exactly what it looks like. Not an app many people would think to buy, but you’ll be so thankful for this $1.99 app when you are taking your kids on a long trip in the car. There are 100 different games, ranging from “out the window” style to singing games, so you can put off the inevitable “are we there yet?” questions for as long as possible, and if you’re lucky, for the entire trip.

Google+ Local

An absolute essential application on any phone. It used to be called Google Places, but still boasts the same features: Google+ Local gives users the ability to look up businesses and entertainment nearby. Whether you’re looking for restaurants, petrol stations, a place to entertain the kids, or even the Australian Fitness Network for those personal trainer courses you still need to take, you’ll be able to find it all in this app.

Car Facts App

The Car Facts App is perfect for mums, dads and teen drivers. It stores insurance policy information all ready to go at the touch of a button; you can even email the details to someone. Custom Maintenance reminders a must for oil changes and tire rotation. The app also has a fuel and service tracker and a place to save vehicle details like license plate number. With this app you will always be prepared.

Air Fresheners That Should Exist

You know, I've been thinking...

Stuff Lemon Air Fresheners, Lavender, or whatever the hell Sea Breeze Freshener is, there should be real fresheners that people can sniff and go "ooh, your place smells great!".

I knocked up a few air fresheners that should exist. What do you think?

Nothing better than the smell of freshly baked cookies!!! Ohh hell yeah..

Chocolate!  Mmmm.. gimme summa that!

Can't be bothered mowing but want that cut grass smell? Oh yeah! I can smell it now..

Sea Fresh.. WTF is that?  Sea Fresh Meat.. now that's what I'm talking about.  The smell of a BBQ by the beach, why not fill your house with that!?

If you could make your own Air Freshener, what would it be?

Family Road Trip Do’s and Don’ts

This is a guest post from WAF, friendly advice on how to survive the family road trip!

A road trip with the family can be both a blessing and a curse. Between the kids asking “are we there yet?” and fighting over who gets to play music in the car, a great drive can quickly turn into a great headache – and that’s before you’ve even arrived at your destination. There are a few things you can do to make sure your family road trip doesn’t end up in a screaming match (or someone being left behind on the highway).
Here’s some do’s and don’ts that will help you survive a road trip with your family, and actually have a good time!

DO pack snacks

Everyone gets the munchies on road trips, so make sure you pack plenty of nibbles for your long drive. No one wants to drive on an empty stomach and for kids, this can be a major irritant. To avoid stopping at restaurants every few hours, have lots of snacks in the car (be sure to include a variety as well). Biscuits, chips and lollies are more often than not the preferred option, but it certainly wouldn’t hurt to pack some fruit and nuts for some much needed healthy alternatives. Water, soft drinks and juice will also need to be in good supply to satisfy the thirsty masses once their hunger has been satiated.

DO keep the kids entertained

There’s only so much I-Spy you can play before boredom inevitably sets in, and no one wants to listen to tired old stories like when you got great boat finance in Perth. Whether it be portable DVD players, iPods or a good old fashioned deck of cards, the kids need to be kept occupied for long periods of time. Otherwise, your sanity will be at stake.

DON’T drive for too long

Try not to drive for very long stretches at a time; take breaks every few hours. While it is extremely important that the driver is refreshed, taking a break at rest stops along highways allows everyone else to take a break, stretch their legs and have a snack or a drink. It’s also an opportunity to swap drivers if you need to.

DON’T leave late

Try and get a head start on the traffic. The earlier you set off on your journey, the earlier you can arrive at your destination. I know waking up the clan at 4am can be painful but it will be worth the time you get to relax when you arrive well ahead of schedule.

Lastly…DO enjoy the ride

If you’re going to spend multiple hours in a car with the same people, you better make sure it’s enjoyable. I hope these tips can help your next road trip be a success!

Three Fun Dad and Kids Activities

This is a guest post from John Hughes on fun activities Dads can do with their children.


I’m always aware of how fast my kids are growing, and I want spend as much time with them as I can before they become teenagers with a permanent attachment to their mobile phones and iPods. It isn’t hard to find an activity that kids will find fun…the challenge is finding something that both you and your children can enjoy together. Here are a few fun activities for you to do with the kids – no mums allowed!

Get active

We all know that Aussie kids on average tend to be a little soft around the edges (literally). As a dad, you want to make sure that your kids are healthy, so kill two birds with one stone and enjoy some quality time with the kids outdoors doing something active. Whether it’s throwing a Frisbee, kicking a ball around or climbing trees, just get the little critters on the move and work off a bit of that puppy fat. They’ll get fitter and enjoy a healthy dose of fresh air and vitamin D. As a dad, that’s your job. Resulting mud and grass stains… well, that’s Mum’s job.

Cook up a storm

Spending time getting your kids to achieve something is its own reward, but a delicious treat at the end is a nice little bonus! Kids love creating things, so why not teach them a useful skill while they’re at it? Download a recipe, dust out the aprons and get the kids making something simple and scrumptious. They’ll love to see their handiwork taking shape and then getting to eat it. As long as you clean up afterwards, I can see this one getting the tick of approval from Mum as well. They could make great little domestic sous-chefs in the future as a result of the work experience you’ve given them. Just be sure you supervise anything involving heat, fire and knives.

Bushwalking

Hit the great outdoors and take the kids out on a trail. See the animals and plants and immerse yourself in the wilderness for a while. The solitude will give you plenty of time to talk with the kids and build some character; plus, every dad wants to show off their Bear Grylls skills. Just as long as you don’t end up drinking your own urine and don’t have to confront too many life and death situations, it should be a fun experience for the kids.

Doing it for the kids

While I wouldn’t mind checking out places to buy used cars on the weekend, there can be plenty of time for that later. Your kids won’t be kids forever though, so savour every moment you can with them!

3 Action Packed DVD Giveaways from Disney Entertainment

This giveaway has ended, but subscribe to the Giveaway Newsletter so you don't miss my next one!

I was approached by Disney Entertainment to review some dude movies.  Yeah! Bring it on! Nothing like a bit of action films to break the monotony of watching Upsy Daisy and Iggle Piggle with my little boy every day.

Disney Entertainment has also kindly offered one lucky person the chance to win all three of these DVDs.

What are they?  Well, here they, kindly reviewed by yours truly..

Killer Elite

Available on Blu-Ray and DVD from July 4

Statham, Owen and De Niro.  If that doesn't scream dude movie, I don't know what does.

Killer Elite is set in the 80's. The first action scene was very cool, but then our main guy is randomly reading a letter in a combie van in Australia. Very random, I just want to know why they are killing dudes.

Lots of bang bang shoot em ups and the sounds are so realistic when a gun is fired. Something I haven't noticed in a movie before.

We've got some pretty cool hitman story going along, but I don't feel like we are in the 80's like the movie is supposed to be set in. At least as the movie goes on, I understand better why folks are getting shot at. We've got hitmen for hire people, and scary dudes at that.

Ooh look! There's that guy that hosted the TV show "The Mole".

Oops, enough of that, there's a car chase! Bah, for five seconds.. don't they know action movie car chases only end when things explode?!?

Argh! Enough of that, there's a fist fight! PULL HIS MOUSTACHE OFF, PULL HIS MOUSTACHE OFF!!!

Sorry about that, got into it a bit there :-)

Without going into a lot of detail and giving anything away, the best way to describe this movie is intense. Storyline could be better, but nothing surprising for an action flick. Jason Statham, Clive Owen and Robert De Niro are all good, although Owen has one weird eye for some unknown reason and De Niro is hardly around at all. But like I said, action & suspense. That's what it's all about and it's pretty good.

Watch the making of in the special features to learn about how it is loosly based on a true story.

Pretty good. I give it three out of five.

John Carter

Available on Blu-Ray, Blu-Ray 3D and DVD from July 4

I've been looking forward to John Carter ever since I first saw the trailer. The special effects look amazing and as soon as this movie starts, it doesn't disappoint. Starships like a flying electric insect, strange angel like folks flying from the sky. Pretty cool, let's see how the story goes.

In a surprise twist, we are in the time of the American Revolution. It's Cowboys vs Indians. Yeeeha! Hehehehe. Oh no wait, we're on Mars now. Awesome! Poor John Carter can't work out the gravity. Cool idea by the writers! Just wondering how he's breathing without any oxygen. Is there oxygen on Mars? I dunno..

Ahh who cares, there's no time for that now, alien babies are being born! It's all going on, I really don't know what's going to happen next. It's so far very original, but saying that it feels like the movie has taken ideas from computer games I used to play like Dune and Starcraft. That's great though because I love those games, but the storyline is starting to fit too much in at once.

Ha! Red vs Blue with the Green the extra bystander. Exactly like the Dune games! The nerd in me is happy! (God I hope some of you out there get this awesome Dune reference)

The storyline I'm not really caring about, I just look forward to what kind of action this movie is going to show next, cos John Carter is kicking some arse.

Overall, there's some cool monsters, cool aliens and wicked special effects. This movie is a good night's viewing, if you let yourself go and enjoy the sci-fi. Two and a half out of five.

London Boulevard

Available on Blu-Ray and DVD from July 18

Never heard of this movie. Know nothing about it. Sometimes that's a good thing. Although, me and an old gal pal of mine were once standing at the cinemas, trying to decide what to watch.  We saw the word "RANDOM".  Yeah! That sounds cool, lets watch that!  ..sigh.. it was Random Hearts with Harrison Ford and some chick. A love story.. blergh..

Anyway, I do digress.  All I know about London Boulevard that it has one of my Hollywood fave hotties is in it. Colin Farrell.

Oh! Oops.. I mean, Keira Knightley. Love her. her.. love her..

Anyway, shhh, movies started. Just realised it's set in London. Quick aren't I? Loved London when I was there. Here's hoping I love the movie too.

Mitch, aka Colin Farrell is an ex-con, trying to avoid the lure of crime. Doing a good job so far, making it look like we're in for a low-action/high romancy type movie perhaps. (Random Hearts, here we come..)

Pow! Hmm maybe medium action :-)

Looks like Mitchell has got a pretty well known reputation. No idea why, or what he's done, but I'm very intruiged!

I sort of just sit there and watch, soaking it all in.  It does feel rather long winded in parts.

The movie is very new age London gangster. Knightley is great, Farrell is dark and the movie rolls in ways you wouldn't expect. It is so slow at times, but it builds the suspense to be worthwhile.

It's weird and intense, but it will bring discussions with your mates on how things turn out. Two out of five.

DVD Giveaway Time

Disney Entertainment are kindly offering to give away a DVD copy of Killer Elite, John Carter and London Boulevard to one lucky winner.  Enter below (open to Australian residents only)


a Rafflecopter giveaway



Thanks for taking the time to read!  Hope it helps you on your next DVD rental or purchase.

Good luck with the giveaway!

- tork