Bad Blogger Step 2: Here is a picture of my doodle on the table

Welcome to Step 2 in my I'm a Bad Blogger series. You can find my original bad blogger post here.

I'm trying my best at doing all the steps it takes to be the worst blogger in the world, trying to prove it wrong that there are no rules in blogging.  So here's the next one..

Step 2. Don’t spend more than 30 seconds working on your headline

It took me 10 seconds to write this post headline.  I'm maybe a bit embarrassed because I really should have thought it through further.

I mean.. my doodle, on the table... for all the world to see.  Why did I write that!  Now I can't take it back!

Me showing you a picture of it is probably not the world's best idea.  But, I don't want to mislead anyone that has clicked this post.

So, I guess I better, just...

You know.. post the picture I took of my doodle on the table.

I just hope you don't laugh too hard at my doodle.  It's not a very big one...

Well, my doodle was a bit bigger than this, but I had just rubbed it off!  :-)

Ok, enough of the doodle/penis jokes. Hahahaha.

If you don't know, it's just a quick sketch I did of an old game called Asteroids.  Loved that game.

Why I Didn't Spend Time on my Headline and How You Can Too

Well, sometimes I might have a great idea for a post.  I will just write the headline for it and work around that.  Other times, I will just write something in that headline section and if I think I can write a good post around it, I will leave it and run with it.

It's sometimes a great source for inspiration. It doesn't always work, but it goes to show that it doesn't always need to be important.  You can do it too!  Just write down either something you'd think would be funny, something you might not usually write about, or whatever is the first thing to pop into your head!

I honestly took 10 seconds to write the headline.  I happened to have a photo in my mobile phone of this picture I drew on my desk.  The headline just sort of came to me because I remembered I had the photo.

But seriously, have fun for gods sake.  Don't treat each post like it's going to be your latest masterpiece.

A photo of my actual wang.. now there's a masterpiece!

*sigh*

Before I get too carried away, what do you think? Did I do a good job with the headline? Do you spend long on your headline or do you just whip it out for the world to see?

Ok, that was my last double entendre, I swear.

Love to hear your thoughts!

- tork

Bad Blogger Step 1: Story about goats

Welcome to Step 1 in my I'm a Bad Blogger series. You can find my original bad blogger post here.

This series will try to prove that there are no rules in blogging, that there isn't such a thing as a bad blogger.  Let's see how we go with...

Step 1. Do no research whatsoever before writing a post

I'd like to tell you more about a fantastic creature call... the goat.

The goat is a magical feline that is a god in some countries. It is known to be awesome in several different ways.

A story goes that the Pygmy Goat of Great Britain saved a group of children from colliding with an oncoming school bus.  Unbeknownst to the bus driver, a group of around 5 children were playing hopscotch in the street, a game that involves throwing rings around a peg from a distance, of which said pegs are alight with fire whilst dwarves dance around singing Beyonce's song "Single Ladies".

The Pygmy Goat noticed the children in peril and charged towards the children.  Upon reaching the group, the goat stopped and growled, a defence mechanism used when in danger against its predators.  Much like the eye's of Predator from the movie with the same name, the goat's eyes turned greenish-yellow, freaking the shit out of the kids and sending them running away.  This running away sent the kids into safety with the bus driving beyond the children with no casualties. The goat was not heard of since, but a single photo was taken.

Goat in defence mode

 
A goat's knowledge of impending doom is well known.  This sense of catastrophe has not gone unnoticed to the people of Botswana, who use the goat's milk as a substitute for bath water.  In a land where water can be rare, goat's milk is a useful resource to clean, but it also provides to the bather an increased knowledge of their own bad luck.  The only downfall is the number of goats required to fill a bath, which is somewhere between 5 and a shitload.

Mbomba Jabar is a shining example of a goat's milk bath. He was lucky enough to dodge a falling glass coke bottle from the sky after bathing in the goat's milk.  He knew it was coming! The hit would have surely knocked him to the ground.

A movie was actually made about his fortune, but re-written to have him be hit fair and square in the head with the bottle in "The Gods Must Be Crazy" because it was much funnier.

The Gods Must Be Crazy

Not only do goats sense danger, they also are excellent smellers.  In Alaska, they are often substituted for sniffer dogs in Airports and at Border Security.  Due to all the Huskies pulling sleds and St Bernards getting skiers drunk, the need for sniffer dogs are filled by Mountain goats.

The Mountain goat is a fantastic hurdler of suitcases amongst the moving suitcase line. Hopping upon one bag to another, the goat will source anything from drugs to undeclared foods. The odd delicious granny panties get eaten however, which is an unfortunate downfall in this gap in this sniffer animal field.

But if you think that you are at a Border Security that you know has no sniffer dogs.. beware!  A goat may just be lurking around the corner.

Goats will sniff your shit

These are just three example of the magical feline the goat.  When next at your petting zoo with the kids, introduce them to these wonderful creatures.  They'll be amazed for hours.

- tork