Saturday, January 28, 2012

Celebrity Beard Stubble

Lazy? That's me. That's why I sport beard stubble.

That's right, beard stubble.  Because, apparently, laziness is attractive to women.

I'm here to prove it wrong to stop the attention I get in the street.  Damn crazy girls, I'm a married man for god's sake! :-)

So here is my homage to beard stubble with...

Famous Celebrity People Beard Stubble

Actor Beards

Ohhh look at me.  I'm Brad Pitt, apparently the most desirable hand bag on the face of this planet.  I've got beard stubble and don't you know it!

Check me out, I'm George Clooney, I've got grey bits in my beardy stubble that makes all gals of all ages smile. Aren't I devilishly debonair and fancy.

I cut my own hair, don't shave every day of the week and talk in a silly accent. I'm Gerard Butler! Ain't I a peach?

Look at me, I like to call myself Hugh Laurie and be really funny in shows like Blackadder. Sometimes I speak in an English accent, other times in American. It confuses me, so I use my stubbly beard to scratch and ponder which voice I'll use today.

I'm the other Hugh that can dance and sing and slice your guts open with my awesome bones of steel.  But please don't call me Wolverine.  I'm Hugh Jackman and aren't I lovely?

Am I making you girls not like man beard stubble yet?

No?  Hmmm.. maybe I need to take it to the next level

Musician Beards

They call me Keith Urban. My famous man beard stubble helped me land Nicole Kidman, otherwise she might have confused me for a girl, what with my long flowing lady locks.

I'm an awesome singer (really, I am), but sometimes I forget whether my name is Prince or if I am that weird symbol thing.  Just to make sure though, I draw teeny little dots on my upper lip to notify the hot chicky babes that I am masculine and ready for special cuddles.

Still not convincing enough to stop fondling my face forest?

Here's the big one then..

Scientology Beards

My work here is done.

- tork

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Happy Australia Day 2012!

Happy Australia Day everyone!

Today it's just a simple post, a couple of lines wishing all Aussies a great day off work!! Yeeha!

I hope the barbie's light well and your glass never empties.  Cheers!

Here's my Australia Day poem shown last year to celebrate the occasion.  Love it.

- tork

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Did you win the STIHL Giveaway?

The STIHL Dream Aussie Backyard Giveaway has ended.  The winners have been selected.

Winners are grinners!  And they'll soon have a really cumfy STIHL hat to wear.  Mine is quite comfortable :-)

Here are the winners (randomly drawn via

Pam Talaue
Lisa Wood
Matthew Costa

Congratulations winners!  You will be contacted shortly.

Didn't win this time?  Subscribe by any (or all) of these links below so you can try again for the next one!

Thanks so much to STIHL for the giveaway.

- tork

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Did you win the Viva TV and Computer Screen Wipes Giveaway?

The Viva TV and Computer Screen Wipes giveaway has ended.  The winners have been selected.

Winners are grinners!  And they'll soon have every TV and Computer screen clean in the house.  Ooh, don't forget your iPads and Mobile Phones!

Here are the winners (randomly drawn via

Melissa Kagie
Toni Hill
Marita Stuffwiththing
Thanh Luu
Jasmine Chow
Narelle Rock
Sara TisTheLife
Michelle Vamvas

Congratulations winners!  You will be contacted shortly.

Didn't win this time?  Subscribe by any (or all) of these links below so you can try again for the next one!

Thanks so much to Viva Clever Cleaning and Kleenex Mums for the giveaway.

- tork

Sunday, January 15, 2012

STIHL Giveaway - My Dream Aussie Backyard when Growing Up *GIVEAWAY ENDED*

You missed out on this giveaway! It ended. But to catch the next one, subscribe to my Giveaways Newsletter here.

As a little fella, I grew up basically in my backyard.  It was massive.

Today, my backyard is the size of a dwarf's bed, where swinging a cat would definitely not get you anywhere.

It's something I definitely want to change one day and I have been thinking about it a lot.

It's funny, because STIHL recently got in touch with me about backyards.  They want me to write about my backyard growing up and what makes it Australian.  What made it mine.  It really was such a coincidence that they contacted me when it has been playing on my mind.

I want my boy to have a backyard like I did, where he can tear it up like a Tazzie devil.

So, thank's to STIHL for giving me a great idea for a post!  I'll be talking about their latest competition to WIN an Australian Day party in your backyard with 20 friends, a STIHL Backyard Hero and a STIHL prize package valued at over $2,200 in a minute, plus a STIHL giveaway!

First, let me tell you about my backyard.

This Was My Backyard Life


I sure do miss being a kid with the backyard we had.  It was massive, but living out in the sticks would mean you have a massive backyard.

There were sheds to play in, tanks to climb, a hills hoist to swing on, and ample room to smash a cricket ball around in.

The rainwater tanks were a pillar of the backyard.  One especially, old and disused, was covered in ivy.  We climbed the crap out of that bugger.  Thinking back, nobody would have known if we'd fallen through the top of it.  It was old and rusty and who knows when it was going to cave in.

When I say we, I mean me and my brother.  A backyard isn't a backyard unless you have a sibling to kick their arse in.

Backyard cricket every summer.  My old man would sometimes stop working for a bit to have a bowl.  My grandpa would always be the wicket keeper.  Mum would be the crap umpire :-)

Remembering my Poppy playing with us wells me up...

Yep, I'm losing it....

So, umm, yeah.. I definitely loved my backyard. No matter what weather, we always found a way to entertain ourselves.

Every House Needs a Backyard if there are Kids

I know it might be hard having a large backyard, with prices of those kind of houses.  But, you just have to do it.  Taking kids out to a park nearby is a good substitute, but after the amount of life I lived in my backyard, I am doing everything I can to get us a good sized piece of yard for my boy to play in.

Others may not tend to agree. That's fine.

But there is nothing more fun and Aussie than the kids going nuts on their bikes around the yard or kicking a footy over the neighbours fence.  And yes, dare I say it, they have to be able to count on at least two hands the number of times a cricket ball goes through a window. You bet your thing you are sitting on though that if my boy does that, there will be loads of chores :-)

I miss a big backyard.. Here's hoping I one day get one.

Now, onto what STIHL is offering!

This is My Backyard Competition and Giveaway

STIHL are chucking a pretty cool competition. They are offering you the chance to WIN an Australian Day party in your backyard with 20 friends, a STIHL Backyard Hero (Dermott Brereton, Matthew Hayden, Andrew McLeod, Matthew Pavlich or Brad Fittler) and a STIHL prize package valued at over $2,200.

This is for any sized backyard! From tiny courtyard or balcony, to 100 hectare property.

There is still time to enter, so get cracking so you can have an Australia Day BBQ that you wont ever forget!

Check out their Facebook page to enter the competition.

Ooh, and thanks STIHL.  They've got me ready for Australia day.  Have a Captain Cook at what the nice folks sent me.

Oh, hey! Did someone say giveaway?  STIHL are offering 3 STIHL hats to giveaway to 3 lucky people. You can see the hat in the picture above.

To enter, you must be an Australian resident.

Simply leave a comment on this post saying "enter me!" to give yourself a chance at winning.  Get an extra entry for tweeting this blog link by clicking here, and clicking "share" on the link in Facebook (via Tork's Blog fanpage).

Winners will be drawn via Competition ends midnight January 21st AEST.

Don't forget, you must be willing to provide address and contact details to receive the goods if you win!

Good luck!

- tork

Friday, January 13, 2012

Viva TV and Computer Screen Wipes Review *GIVEAWAY ENDED*

You missed out on this giveaway! It ended. But to catch the next one, subscribe to my Giveaways Newsletter here.

Aren't I the popular one.  Ever since talking about Mum blogs being more popular than dad blogs, I've become quite busy in the past couple of days.

Look who's come knocking at my door.. Viva Clever Cleaning! All thanks to

I must be giving the appearance I am a nerd that sits in front of the telly and computer all day, that makes a mess of things.  Hmm.. Has someone been talking to my wife? :-)

So, here we go.  I've been given the honour to be the first person in the world to review and giveaway..

Viva TV and Computer Screen Wipes

I've never been the first at anything in the world. I only just missed out on inventing the internet (couldn't get a string long enough between two cups). So this is pretty cool.

The DVD-like box that Viva TV and Computer Wipes come in is very clever.  Really appeals to the nerd in me.  It's a bit thicker than a DVD case, but it's otherwise the same size.  See it next to one of my fave DVDs? (great movie, fyi).

The wipes come with a soft fibre cloth.  I decide to wipe the TV first because it is dusty as.  I have a massive one *insert giggles here* hehehee. TV that is.

It gets dusty easily.  The reusable microfibre cloth worked a treat on it

My computer screen doesn't really get dirty though.  I tend to avoid touching it too much.   So, I decided that I needed to cover it with fingerprints.  Got to test out the product to give it a serious review, don't I?


Here is my LCD monitor covered in fingerprints

Seriously, covered in fingerprints

All I do next is pull out one of the wet wipes to remove the prints, dust and marks..

Hey presto!
Aren't I hilarious...

But seriously for a moment.  I pulled my mobile phone out of my pocket.  It's a HTC Android and the touch screen is constantly being covered in finger prints, making it sometimes difficult to use.

A quick once over with the wet wipe and it amazes me.  Very cool.

It feels like a different phone!  It's so much smoother.  I can imagine how awesome it would be with an iPad or other tablets.

Viva Screen Wipes Review Verdict & Giveaway

They are simple, cool, nifty and they work.  They don't have an overpowering smell either, which is a winner as well.

They will be available in supermarkets by the end of January 2012 for $9.99.

But why wait until then?  Viva are offering 10 packs to giveaway to 10 lucky people!! To enter, you must be an Australian resident.

Simply leave a comment on this post saying "enter me!" to give yourself a chance at winning.  Get an extra entry for tweeting this blog link by clicking here, and clicking "share" on the link in Facebook (via Tork's Blog fanpage).

Winners will be drawn via Competition ends midnight January 19th AEST.

Don't forget, you must be willing to provide address and contact details to receive the goods if you win!

Good luck! Thanks to for giving me the opportunity to give something back to my readers.

- tork

Thursday, January 12, 2012

SnoozeShade Review for Infant Car Seats

You missed out on this giveaway! It ended. But to catch the next one, subscribe to my Giveaways Newsletter here.

I've got something wicked to tell you.

I GOT FREE STUFF IN THE MAIL!!  Ohh yeah! Suffer in your jocks!


Yeah, sorry about that.  Just a wee bit excited :-)

Thanks for allowing me to have a play with one of your products...

The SnoozeShade for Infant Car Seats

What do you do when the sun gets in your child's eyes when you're driving or transferring them between car and house?

Well, the wife and I have had that trouble with our little boy whenever the sun gets in his eyes (as you can imagine), mainly when we are driving about the place. We've used those sun blocks you get in freebie promotional bags from expos, as well as purchasing a large sun block blind for the rear window.

You reckon any of them work?  Only a little bit.

It doesn't completely block out the sun.  Little bits keep peeping its way through, causing our boy not so much to cry, but get really pissed off.

Nothing we have found really does the job properly.  This SnoozeShade though is a real sun blocker.

The Blackout Blind

When they call it a blackout blind, they mean it.  This thing is so dense just looking at it. The mesh is darker than my little boy's mood when his bottle is late!

I guess I could show you a video of how you use it (see below).

Clever hey?  The Australian version has a latte trim to it though.  Here's a few pictures of the one I received.

The Packaging

The bag it comes with

On my car seat

This would be great if we had a detachable car seat, where carrying a sleeping baby from the car to the house in sunlight wouldn't wake him.  Our car seat isn't for carrying, but our boy rarely gets woken by the sun anyway.  It just annoys him when he's awake (he's a strange one I tell you). It's also the sunburn we worry about.

The only concerns I had is that the trim had already started to come away a little (just a little). Saying that, it would still last well beyond the age where a baby would outgrow it.

Also, I was concerned if the baby actually could breathe through it.  It is mesh material, but I did the best thing I could think of.

I put it on my head...

So long as it didn't cover my mouth, all good :-)

SnoozeShade Review Verdict

Overall, this SnoozeShade is a great idea whilst mum or dad is carrying baby out of the car or pushing the stroller down the street. I stared in the sun whilst having it on my head and it worked better than my sunglasses. It works.

Attaching it to the car seat though whilst driving. I would only use it whilst someone else is sitting next to the baby, just to make sure the tot doesn't pull things about the place.  Always good to be 100% sure with these little tackers.

I wouldn't advise using it when you haven't got eyes on your child or unable to stop what you are doing to attend to them.  I don't care what product you are using, no matter how safe they are.  If you're putting something above their head, you make sure you are about the place!

So.. have kindly offered my readers (that's you, fyi) a 20% discount if you order from their website or via (discount code TORKONA2012). The site already includes free shipping too!

Overseas and feel left out?  Check out  Mention me and see if you can haggle yourself a discount there too ;-)

Thanks so much for SnoozeShade for popping my review cherry.

Psst.. be on the look out for more in the coming weeks, and don't be surprised if I have a few giveaways!!

- tork

Monday, January 9, 2012

Overhead the Cot of a Son

Dad Poem - from the words of a Father

I've said it once and I'll say it again.. Inspiration comes from within.  You just sometimes need to be reminded.

Here goes..

As I stood with elbows against wood, a cot made of tree.  I look downwards at a son, asleep.
The eyes are a-flitter, fighting sleep and grasping at play.
A boy, whom I've always wanted.  To teach that life is awesome, no matter what day.
To teach things of amazement.  To show fun in doing so.
As I stood overhead, gently telling him goodnight, I wonder how lucky we are.
How lucky. My wife and I.
A son was born to us, as awesome as can be. May he grow to be all that he wants to be.

- tork

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Stopping to Say Thanks

Just wanted to take a breath/break from posting (even though I'm technically still doing it) and thank a few people.

Mary. My yankee doodle pal that recently bestowed me with an award.  Although I am wussing out and not continuing the award requirements, I still wanna say CHEERS and tell you all to visit her blog. So if it's food recipes you're after, she's your gal to show you!  I'm hanging for her sausage balls recipe.  Can't wait 'til I get to try her balls (hmmm that doesn't sound right hehehee).  Thanks Mary!

Kate.  She says stuff.  Today, she said to all her followers to come visit me.  Well, aren't HER readers lucky to find a swell dude like myself!  And aren't I lucky to get a great wrap..  Check Kate out today at her blog.  She's a sweetheart.

I also wanted to thank everyone who's commented and tweeted since my post Why Don't You Like Dad Blogs but love Mum Blogs.  I feel there's life back into these old blog bones.  I am also glad I didn't push publish on a post I wrote entitled "I Quit".  Yeah.. I know.  But this new Tork loves a challenge.

So, thanks everyone!

- tork

Friday, January 6, 2012

Update on My Boy's Health

You probably know by now, my boy has been quote "crook" unquote.  You can read about our baby's health and the boy's birth story if you want an update.

Lots of people have been asking how he is.  When I say "He's great!  Still on the oxygen at night though" they look at me in shock!

"But he looks great!"

"But he's always so happy!"

"I thought he was off it!?"

These are the common responses for the young chap.

First off, he always looks great.  He's my boy, of course he looks adorable and fantastic all the time.

*insert Tork catalogue pose here*

And even with oxygen attached to his face 24 hours a day, he's always smiled.  Always been the one to laugh.

But he has been off it, it just never has come off it at night.

It's such a chore now too.  With his crawling all over the place, it's difficult to keep him still to attach it.  He loves playing with it though.  Loves it like crazy hehehehe.

But, it's such a terrible chore for us.  Look at this..

See the white tape? That's what goes against his face every night to hold the oxygen tubing in place.  They are the size of two thumbnails and are sticky as masking tape.

Every morning we heartbreakingly tear them off his face ready for the day.

He laughs at it..

Such a strong boy.  He's so used to it though.

So I've been compiling over the last month this lot, stuck against his oxygen tank, just to show he's still on oxygen and what we hopefully will stop doing very soon.

See that sort of silver knob?  It is turned to the lowest possible level of O2 release.  A level many doctors have said is now useless, but our main doctor refuses to budge from removing all together.

I am going to take it off no matter that the docs say.  Fighting tooth and nail (and cheek skin) for my boy to stop going through it every night/morning.  He pulls it off his face during the night anyway!

Well, no more ranting.  Wanted to update you all.

Not so much a sob story on our part.  More of an understanding of what we do each night when a kid has Tracheomalacia.  Also, an understanding of how lucky you can be to have a healthy kid, and how much unluckier we could have actually been with him.

- tork

Thursday, January 5, 2012

So, Sleepless in Seattle is on tonight..

So, Sleepless in Seattle is on tonight.. I am watching it. (at least, it was at the time I was writing this).

I think I've watched it maybe, hmmm, five times?

Why am I asking you for?  hehehe


Anyway, what a great movie.  Yes, I have the courage to tell you that I love this movie.  Why?  It is beautifully written. It all flows amazingly together, with gentle surprises added into the mix.

Is it weird for me to like the odd romance movie? Yes.. sometimes.

I bet you didn't know that my favourite movie of all time is 'La Vita e Bella', otherwise known as 'Life Is Beautiful'.  I'm sure I spelt that wrong. But, that movie has a mix of everything.  Laughter, love, surprises, sadness. Watch it.  I mean it!

Anyway, just thought I'd mention it.

Fyi, if you're concerned I'm some wussy, soppy, lovy dovey dude that loves rom-coms, you'd be happy no know that my second favourite movie of all time is 'Billy Madison'.  I shit you not.  I know that movie back to front.



Don't judge me.


- tork

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

The Kardashian's Visit Me Daily


The Kardashians are in my house on a daily basis!

There's Kim, Khloe, Kourtney... Rob. Bruce Jenner and his lady friend Kris.

They drive me CraZy!!

Everyday it's a new drama. Something stupid like a wedding or divorce. Blah blah blah.

I really should not have got that extra foxtel package for my wife as a Xmas present. We can't afford it, but I want her happy. Too bad all she watches is the Kardashians!

At least there is the Comedy Channel for me :-)

So tell me, why do you chicks love the Kardashians so much? Why not evolve your brain and watch a doco on Discovery instead?

- tork

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Everyday He's Shuffling! The Boy Crawls..

Yep.  My little boy has been rolling for a long while now.  He's sort of only ever crawled forward on beds/mattresses, found it more easier.

He then worked his way up to going forwards on his back and backwards on his front.  Ooch, that confused me..

Now he really has his shit sorted out.  He does the army man crawl, where he's a soldier that has his legs blown off and has to crawl with his arms.  Terrible description, but that's exactly how he does it.

It's been about a week of crawling.  It was cute the first few days, but now we're already over it!



Here's a wee little sketch I drew to signify the moment.

Got any tips or advice to help us to stop going crazy during this *ahem* FUN new skill this little tacker has learnt?

Love to hear from you!

- tork

Monday, January 2, 2012

An Australian Dad Blog - My Latest Video

Want to know what Torkona (aka Tork's Blog.. aka ME) is all about?

Here's a quick 30 sec video to tell you more about this Aussie Dad Blogger.