Tuesday, June 26, 2012

A Tork's Blog Update

Today I just want to share with you my posts over the past year and a half of my blogging.  They are the most popular and also my favourite ones.

Sometimes it's good to reflect...

Best Dad Jokes
Gifts for Dad
A Letter to Me
Finally no More Oxygen
Remembering the Boy's First Crawls
My Dad Blog Video
My Father's Day Surprise
How I Increased my Blog Traffic by 53000%
The Story of my Son's Birth

That'll keep you reading for a bit, and give me a few cool memories.

Take care.. I'll put more effort in my next post instead of these crappy re-runs :-)

- tork

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Dad and Son Things I Love

I'm having a ball being a dad.

My son turned one a while back and every day is just something new.

He gets bigger and bigger, trys out new babble words day by day.

One day I was walking out the room and instead of him just random talking, he said "Dad?".  As if, "Where are you going Dad and why aren't you sitting here and playing with me?!".  I can remember too, I said his name when he was first starting to speak.  He replied "What!"

It still freaks me out to this day..

But I love being a dad.

Now that it's winter, the poor chap gets a bit chilly at night.  Sometimes he has a cry if he gets out of his blanket...

BAM! *it's daddy time*

Down I go to pick him up for a cuddle.  The only thing that lights up the room is a night light on the baby monitor.  It's so dark, all I can make out is a baby boy that has stopped crying in my arms, looking back at me with the biggest grin on his face ever.

Ahhh, Dad is here to make me feel better :-)

That night time smile is just a different view of my son.  A massive smile seen in a different way.  I love it. All I can see is his massive eyes and massive grin.

Any smile I get makes me as happy as a pig in mud on a mud planet.

Some parents might complain when baby cries during the night, but I love it.  Well, you know what I mean.  Not the crying, but the reassurance hugs from his dad. Even though I might zombie walk down my corridor to my boy's cot, half asleep and tripping over toys, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Just a little dad joy that I thought I might share with you.

- tork

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Bad Blogger Step 7 & 8: Write and Never Look Back

Welcome to a double special of Steps 7 & 8 in my I'm a Bad Blogger series. You can find my original bad blogger post here.

These two steps are the same thing.  Stupid hey...  Ohh well, let's have me some fun with this.

7. Don't edit & 8. Don’t even profreed

Here's a good test for you.  Write something and never look back.

Don't edit as you go along.  Don't poofread, or profreed or whatever that silly little blogger man said.  Write whatever comes to your mind.

I can remember days where I would just open a notebook, take out a pen and just write away.  Sure, i'd re-read and cross things out I didn't like, but this day and age, no one writes any more, they type.

You lose all that crappy stuff you wrote with a simple backspace key press, or a hightlight + delete key.

Blah!  I like looking back and thinking, "Gah.. what a weirdo".. It's cool to see your train of thought.  Cool to see how you get to where you are, or so to speak.

Ever seen a book that was ever not edited? No.

Ever seen an article that wasn't edited? No... unless you're reading on of them fan-dangled newspaper thingo's that often emit tripe by the bucket loads to fill the pages between the adverts!

Reading as the person is thinking might seem fresh.  It gives you that insight, that non-edited insight.

Fresh. That's what blogging is you know.  It's all about people writing that aren't writers.  People expressing themselves in ways they have often dreamt about for a long time.

Expressing themselves even without anyone knowing who they really are.  An online diary of stories of sorts.

Oooh!  It's thundering tonight.  Ain't thunder brilliant?  A bellow from the sky to remind you that you are just a small freckle on a bigger, earth shaped freckle.

But I do digress because I wan't to give you a wee bit of an insight i to how my cogs turn when an idea of sorts pops into my noggin.  I give you..

The Shrinking of the Human Race

So I was thinking.. yes I know, I've gone on a completely different tangent, I know...

Yeah, so I was thinking, the human species.  You know, us..  Are we all getting smaller and smaller?  I know that I've always wanted girlfriends that were slightly shorter than me.  Yes, terrible I know, what taller women have to go through as they also would prefer a guy to be taller than them (so I'm told).

Anyway, I know it's a complex, but I'm certain a large majority of males think this way, and vice versa that women prefer someone taller than themselves.  Correct me if I am wrong, by the way..

Taking this large majority of cases that the man is taller than the women, that these couples have children.  A majority of these children are going to be of a height somewhere between their mother and father.  It's biology people! I know, because I passed it in my last year of schooling, so therefore it makes me an expert :-)

So the majority of children are going to be shorter than the father, albeit not by very much, but still shorter.

Take this over many generations. Progressively, people will become shorter and shorter.  Am I wrong about this? Is our average height changing as we turn into those little green men over the centuries?

You might say, our ancestors from millions of years ago we're basically the same height though.  But our ancestors didn't have the social stigma that there is today of men in a relationship with a taller women (or vice versa).  Again, it's not right.  And sure, it's not the majority of cases.  But, you think of your friends and family and determine how many times the male is shorter than the woman. Not too many?  Love to hear from you.

Anyway, I say, if you're single guys, find yourself an Amazon.  A beauty of taller than you proportions and love her until the sun rises. It's not something that I really see happening though unfortunately.

Any tall girls like a shorty guy? Hmmm... We're destined to become little green creatures aren't we....

So I got the "how we all become shorter" premise down, I just don't understand how we become green with big, bugs eyes.

If I start to write about that now though, you'd start to wonder how I managed to procreate a child of my own!

Procreate.. is that the right word?  Ahh well, can't edit, can't proofread!  At least I tried my best to not make any spelling mistakes *cross fingers*

Hope all that makes sense! Yep... I'm a weird one...

- tork

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Thursday, June 7, 2012

Man Guide: Shopping for Women's Clothes

Men.  Need to buy women's clothes? Then this is the how to you need to read!

No, I'm not talking about wearing them yourselves.  I'm talking about how a guy buys clothes for his wife as a gift.  Come on.. You didn't think I'm a cross-dresser did you? Married men just wear their wives clothes, we dont buy them!


So, your wife, girlfriend, sister might be having a birthday, or it's a mother's day gift or you've just been too late home after drinkies and you need a "I'm sorry" present.  Here is how you shop for women's clothes to avoid the embarrassment of actually doing it!

1. Strut, like you're king shit

It won't matter where you shop for a clothing gift. It won't make it convenient for you if you're driving across town to avoid being noticed. You just need to shop like you are the bees knees, like you don't care you are shopping for lady clothes.  This will give you confidence to get out there and confidence when asking for help, because you will need to.

2. Focus

Think of at least one, maybe two items that your gal pal would like. Keep that in the front of your mind. I don't need to tell you guys this, as the male species is a hunter and goes straight for the "kill". But, going into a store not knowing whether to buy a shirt or pants will only lead to frustrations and crying in a little ball in the corner.

3. Look, then ask

Can't find what you need in 10 seconds? (Yes girls, 10 seconds) Then head straight to a shop assistant and ask for help, remembering points one and two with phrases such as "I'm looking for x for my wife", immediately avoiding confusion that you enjoy wearing bras and pretending you are a hairy Mariah Carey....  I've never done that, I swear.

Asking as soon as possible will help you find what you want quickly and efficiently and see you out the door with the item you want (if you find it and can afford it).

4. Don't give up

Didn't find anything suitable in the store? Don't give up.  Keep in mind the next store you go to will more than likely have another one of those nice young shop assistants to talk to. Use it as your incentive until you find what you are after.

5. Repeat steps 1-4

6. Ok, give up.

You've done at least three stores? Well, you've tried your male hardest. Ask the shop assistant of the third store for a voucher. Congratulations, your work is complete!

Your gift buying awaits you men!

Good luck and God's speed.

- tork

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Monday, June 4, 2012

AFL Goal Camera Idea

AFL. The great game of the Australian nation. The sporty locally known as "the footy".

Love my footy!

I've been sitting my wee lad down in front of the telly to teach him all that is good about the Adelaide Crows. We're having a great season too! 8 wins and 2 losses! Amazing turn around from last year..

What is more amazing though is the shoddy appearance of the dreaded video review, or, as I like to coin *insert irish accent here* "the turd umpire".

Hehehehe I make me laugh.

Anyway, the third umpire appears in cricket and it has worked well for a number of years now. Really well in fact. The no balls are caught, run-outs are never missed and LBW's are argued between mates and commentators a-like. They're great!

What is disappointing in the AFL at the moment is the amount of thought that was put in to the video replay system. A few weeks of "testing" and it was in-place in the regular season, shocking many experts.

I'm not an expert, far from it. Hell, I still confuse myself with how long a quarter actually goes for.. But! I am an expert of ideas.

Here's my latest:

Why not put a camera in the goal post!?

Cricket has a camera in the middle stump, surely the same could be possible for the footy!


See my diagram here:

Here you'll see the four goal posts. Point A is refering to a camera situated inside the two main goal posts. This would allow a sturdy position for the camera to sit in without dislodging, positioned and directed for a non-obstructed view for goal line touches by opposition players. The only issues:

  • there is a level that the view could not see upwards, unless several were installed along the inner pole upwards.
  • does installing a camera interfere with the post's structural integrity?

The other Point B would be used if the post could not maintain holding a camera or if it happened to be dislodged easier. Although:

  • the lower section of the poles are padded and could likely cause more of a chance for dislodgement or shifted, but I can see it easier to embed than the pole itself.

These cameras, of course, would not be protruding from the posts, otherwise there is a slim chance ball will nick the camera.

But seriously folks, too many times is our great game of Aussie Rules Footy being put on hold for video review, where the result has been "inconclusive". Why even bother with the current system! Look at US games like NFL and NBA that are consistantly slowing down the games with video reviews.

Let's improve the system to be quick instead of consistantly inconclusive!

So what do you think of my idea? Do you have anything better?

Also, any tips influencing my son to love the Crows and hate my wife's team the Hawks would be greatly appreciated.


- tork