Sunday, December 23, 2012

Does My Bum Look Big In This? - Aussie Daddy Bloggers Kris Kringle Event 2012

I'm part of a great group of Aussie Dad Bloggers partaking in the Innaugral Kris Kringle Event.

A group of Dads asked Mums "What is the most important questions you'd like to hear answered by a bunch of blokes?".  As per your average Kris Kringle gathering, the presents/questions were handed out in random for us Dads to answer.  And also as per your average Kris Kringle we swapped our gifts that we didn't like.  HAHA!

I was happy to take on this taboo topic.  So, as the second last poster in this Innaugral Kris Kringle Event, I give you...

On the the 10th day of Kringle Aussie Mothers gave to me..

Does my bum look big in this? A Dad's guide to answering life's tricky questions

I can never understand why my wife asks me questions like "Do I look good in this?" or "Does this make me look fat?".

She could be wearing a dress made of Venetian blinds and a necklace of leftover Christmas Turkey and I will still say that she looks great.

I wonder what Kate said when Pippa asked her that question..

Every guy that has spent long enough in their relationship will always say their partner looks great for whatever they wear.  The main reasons for this are:
  1. Any answer other than "You look great in anything", or similar to that, sets any guy up for ammunition in an argument (future or immediate).
  2. It doesn't matter what any guy says because she will change her mind anyway.
  3. He is hungry and simply wants to get out and fill his face at that local place that you like.
Don't be annoyed though gals if your man friend isn't the most helpful sod.  He is only trying to make life easier for the both of you :-)

Most guys actually have the exact same question.  We just rarely ask it or we just simply figure it out for ourselves.

So skip asking your partners because they'll answer without even looking at you! (Comment if your partner has done that. I expect hundreds of comments hehehe)

Best Responses to "Does My Bum Look Big In This?"

Years of dates/occasions has taught me well. I'm pretty sure I have the correct answer for every question possible.

So guys, here are the best responses to "Does my bum look big in this?" that I can come up with:

  • Honey, you look great in anything!
  • You still look as gorgeous as the day we first met.
  • Well, there's really no point going out now. Let's stay at home for our own party!
  • I think I can see a parking ticket on you, 'cos you be fiine!
  • You put the purrr in perfect.
  • Babe, if beauty were time you'd be eternity.
  • You must be Jamacain because you're Jamacain me crazy!

Heehehehe.. made myself laugh there.

And.. just for fun.

Worst Responses to "Does My Bum Look Big In This?"

Lads, don't even try to give these responses to your partner.  Yes, they're as funny as a fart in an elevator, but just keep in mind the number of operas you'd have to see to make up for your behaviour!

Here are the worst responses to "Does my bum look big in this?" that I can come up with:
  • It might look better on your sister.
  • If you were a booger, I'd pick you first!
  • I like bug butts and I cannot lie. Y'all other brothers can't deny.
  • Girl, if I were a fly I'd be all over you, because you are the shit!
  • It doesn't matter what you wear because that hottie Amber will be there tonight.
  • I think the size of your hands are a good enough distraction from your arse.
  • Yes it does.

Good advice there to definitely not use any of those.

Remember, sometimes jokes can go too far..

It definitely is a cracking line, but don't use it if your partner is crazy

But you want some real advice girls.  It takes a nerd like myself to tell you there is an app that will solve all your problems.  And it's an Australian app!

My Social Stylist is an iPhone app that you share pictures of yourself with friends wearing the clothes you aren't certain of wearing.  Friends can vote yes or no whether they like the outfit, with a lot more features as well!

You're welcome.

Guys, show this to your wives.  You owe me so very many beers.

- tork

PS. big thanks to the Aussie Dad Bloggers group. Been great connecting with you lads.